Pinning Hopes on the Electoral College

I feel so many things in this post election devastation. Helpless being one of them. Sure I need to act; unsure of what to do that will matter. Angry. Struggling to reconcile what I believe with . . . this.

A friend of mine sent me an article about the electoral college, and I’m taking it as a sign. Just sent this letter I wrote off to a huge number of Electoral College Voters. If you want to encourage them to vote their conscience, too, you can find the email list for them here. They include a sample letter. Or write from your heart.

Dear Electoral College Voter,

We have gotten ourselves into a mess by not paying attention for too many years. We have allowed those who supposedly represent us to not do so, and have created the illusion that we are a greatly divided country. And now we are faced with the presidency of a man who has no political experience and who spews hatred and violence at well more than half of the people who live in our country, the vast majority of whom are citizens. Our children are frightened of the vision he is handing them. And they don’t get to vote.

We were handed a devil’s decision as far as many of us are concerned. I voted more against Trump than for Clinton, though I was starting to come around to seeing some good points about her. I seem to be geared toward looking for the best in any situation. I feel confident that many of us who cast our votes for Clinton were ambivalent about doing so, just as I feel confident that many who voted for Trump felt the same way.

That is what I am asking you to consider. I’m guessing you never thought you’d be placed in a position to have to endorse a candidate that seems hellbent on destroying our country. But here you are. You can do what you were expecting to do, what many would say you are expected to do. Or you can read between the lines of this election, stand up, and cast your vote in alignment with the will of the people. Clearly we want change. No more politics as has become usual.

There are no easy answers here. To simply choose to cast your vote for Clinton does nothing to acknowledge the deep-seated fear, anger and/or hopelessness that has brought us to this point. And I would anticipate that we will devolve into chaos just as clearly with Clinton being handed the presidency (no matter that she has won the popular vote) as we are likely to if it is handed to Trump.

Who does that leave? I don’t know. I am just as guilty as the vast majority of Americans of not paying enough attention to politics. But I feel certain that it is no one still alive who has ever put their hat in the ring in an attempt to become president or vice president already. That is exactly what most of us were voting against. What has been said–that no one who would seek this office is fit for it–seems to sum up how too many people were feeling about our choices this time around.

So here we are, and you have a unique opportunity to identify someone who fits that bill, someone that has the mindset to listen to the people; to recognize that our will as expressed so muddily in this election is important; to actually govern for the good of all the people in our country and not just the half of them who put someone into office (after all, in this instance, half didn’t put Trump there); to reach across aisles and form coalitions with those on the other side to create legislation that prospers all of us; to lead with the wisdom of the heart and the mind working together. Someone who can express with thoughtful integrity.

Does such a person exist within our current political landscape? I don’t know. But I have faith that there is someone who is a lot closer to this ideal than is Trump. And I have faith that you love our country enough to work this out, to do your part to save it from this situation we have created.

It’s a huge burden to be placed on so few. But it is yours, and you can choose to stand up and exercise the authority invested in you. This is the purpose of the Electoral College after all. Use your power for good! Please.

Sincerely,

Jamie Mayo

Leading with Love: Part 2

Last week I celebrated. This week I am looking at the more difficult things I encountered around the marriage equality decision. I find myself struggling to find the words to describe how it feels to see friends on Facebook express their dismay that marriage has been deemed a right for everyone. In my experience, the polite-acceptance-despite-this-being-an-abomination-to-god has caused more harm than the violence that comes at those of us who are gay or transgendered. It’s fairly easy to blow off the ugly venom from the likes of Fred Phelps. He’s an extremist that gives gay people a good name.

Far more damaging are the subtle silences and disapproval that come from those who love and like us as individuals. Very often their words are framed as “God’s word.” You all matter. Your quiet disapproval goes inside too easily, it carries too much weight. I know because have taken it in–until way to recently. I have agreed with you and wished I were worthy of your love–as if your love were more legitimate, more important than my own. You have the power to harm and you have used it–with or without understanding the impact you were having.

I haven’t always known how to hold my heart open and make room for those who do not see as I do. If I didn’t shut people out in righteous anger, I slipped silently away to protect myself from anticipated pain. I have struggled not judge those with whom I do not agree, to figure out how to share my experiences of how what they have expressed has impacted me. I have excised my voice to keep peace, to avoid uncomfortable conversations.

Writing my blog posts in the aloneness of my living room is my first step toward speaking instead of disappearing. If I can break my silence in silence, perhaps I will find the ability to speak directly to the people who posted the things that struck me in the heart.

So here’s what I believe. To say LGBTQ folks are unloved by God is harmful. Invoking “God’s judgment” when it is really just a person’s own, takes a huge toll on those of us who have felt the longing to be a part of God’s love. Being straight is not a choice. Neither is being gay or bi or trans. Embracing those who are–or refusing to–is. Many Christians and other people of faith have claimed that being gay and choosing to experience the beauty of the love and sexual expression that grow out of that is an abomination to God. Just as many people have seen LGBTQ people’s right to marry as coming into alignment with the love of God.

What I want is for the people who are comfortable in their belief that God has no room for the LGBTQ community to go within and struggle with their beliefs as we have struggled with ours. We had to create lives of meaning and joy in the face of being told nearly everywhere we turned that we had no value. Some of us couldn’t do it. We have lost so many precious lives to drugs and suicide; we have lost too much light to lives lived in the shadows. We need you to go within and really know that your beliefs have the power to devastate the lives of LGBTQ people. You have a choice. You can make a difference. Use your power for love.

Leading with Love

I’ve experienced so many emotions over the last couple of weeks as I poured over the news of the murdered men and women in Charleston; the validation of the ACA by the Supreme Court; and the announcement of marriage equality. In the midst of all that, I watched Out in the Night, a film about four young black lesbians from New Jersey who were jailed for defending themselves from attack, and read Dream Things True by Marie Marqhardt, a young adult novel about a young woman in the United States illegally since being brought here from Mexico at the age of two.

With all of that swirling around inside me, I just want to focus on the celebrations for a moment before we all head back to the work yet to be done.

The eulogy by President Obama for Reverend Clementa Pinckney was powerful. If you haven’t seen it, please go hear it for yourself.

I am so pleased that the Supreme Court upheld the legality of the ACA. Too many people have not had the safety net that this insurance measure provides. It may not be perfect, but it is better than the nothing that we have had for those who do not have insurance through an employer. That system just doesn’t make sense. As long as you are healthy enough to work–and are working a substantial enough job that insurance is provided rather than three or four jobs that don’t net you any insurance–you can have insurance. But get sick enough for long enough, lose your job and all of a sudden, just when you need it, no insurance.

And then came marriage equality. It was such a wonderful feeling when I heard the news. Not being able to marry someone I love has never felt like a big loss for me personally. But for many people I know and love it has. Despite my lukewarm feeling toward marriage, this ruling filled my whole body with joy. For far too long, the way love and desire works inside me has been deemed an abomination by my government. Not any more. It is interesting what an impact that has on a person–being different and welcome, versus different and tolerated or even rejected and deemed as not being worthy of basic rights. There is still a lot of work to be done to ensure equality–and welcome–across the board for all who live in this country. We aren’t done, and won’t be until it happens. With love leading the way, it is bound to.

One of the most heart-warming things for me around the marriage equality celebration was seeing how many of my straight friends were celebrating the SCOTUS decision. Many of them were friends from my childhood or college years that I have had no contact with outside of Facebook since. Mixed in with my joy for this is also a sadness. My choice to slip silently away rather than risk being known–and possibly embraced in full friendship–has robbed both my friends and me of richer relationships. I owe each person that I never personally came out to an apology for not seeing you accurately, for not trusting you to love me and make room for me. I also owe you an apology for projecting my own inability to embrace myself fully onto you.

You all look beautiful in rainbow.

Black Lives Matter

When I heard the news that nine people had been murdered in Charleston, SC, last week, I was riding the bus home. As I sat next to strangers, I was overwhelmed with grief. At our Sunday morning service, we a spent a moment in silence after the name of each person was called and their picture shown on the wall. Taking in those beautiful faces, knowing that they are no longer here with us, I felt the loss again.

It is time for us to say “No more.” No more violence, no more fear, no more refusing to see the value and beauty in every person in this world.

What can one person do? I am surely not the only one who has asked this question. I am surely not the only one who has felt too small in the face of so much. Perhaps I cannot change the world, but I must change myself–and that is no small thing. When I skirt around the edges of despair at just how huge this problem is in our country, I keep coming back to LOVE. We have got to breathe through our fear, our despair, our anger–whatever it may be for each of us–and see with the eyes of love.

Last month, Natasha Ria El-Scari spoke at CSL about living the Science of Mind principles in the face of racism. One of the many things she shared that touched me was her story of being shoved by a white man at the gym where she was exercising. He had clearly gone out of his way to do it. She followed him and asked him why he had. At first, he denied having done anything. She held firm and calmly replied that it was clear that he had, and she asked again what had led him to behave that way. He finally apologized and she accepted it. To us Natasha said that she was aware that there are two acceptable ways for a black person to address racist acts–one is to pretend it didn’t happen and the other is to go into a rage. Neither works for her. If she remains silent, she becomes complicit with the act of racism. If she responds with rage, she is dismissed. Either way, the behavior itself remains unchallenged. Her approach, instead, is to “get all up in people’s faces with love.”

Speaking up has always been my struggle. I have not known how to address things that felt wrong to me. Stuck between two choices–fly into blaming, shaming, righteous mode; or remain silent–I have not spoken. I feel in the turmoil of my soul that my silence–our silence–makes it possible for horrendous acts of violence against black people to continue unchallenged.

Natasha offered a very clear alternate path. Love wants to speak through me. I may not feel that I have the power to change the world, but I can open my mouth. I can set my fingers to write when my throat won’t loose the words inside me. I can let Love speak through me. Doing so will change the world.

Playing the Fringe

I started preparing for KC Fringe Fest 2015 by playing around with fairy tales to see which one best told my own life story. A few fits and starts later, it was clearly Sleeping Beauty. I have felt for much of my life as if my heart were asleep, inaccessible to me. I have searched for true love’s kiss sure it would wake me up. It never quite did.

Finally, I comprehend that I’ve been looking in all the wrong places, that the love I have sought is already alive within me, that I am created of Love, by Love and can never be separated from it. I had to awaken to that before I could ever be available to any love that someone else might have for me. Once I did, I saw it everywhere.

Just as with love, this story did not go where I thought it would. I had a couple of personal stories I’d already crafted that I expected to become a part of this structure. Turns out a different story wanted to be told. Twice Conceived made itself known to me in fits and starts. I just kept walking into my coaching sessions every time sure that I had nothing to work on, nothing to give. Every time I walked out, I was delighted to have discovered that something had been percolating up in that brain of mine after all.

Without my storytelling coach, it never would have happened. Laura has a way of hearing story into being. She held room for me and the story both when I hit those hard patches that have been silently hiding my stories. It was painful at times. My body had grown around those shadows; they had become a part of my marrow, hidden within my bones. Without her guidance and support this endeavor would still be the pipe dream it has been for the last three or four years.

Twice Conceived debuts at the KC Fringe Fest in July. I am excited to see how this story ends.